


He's In The Rain

by Veeva99



Series: VIXX, Ships [4]
Category: K-pop, The Rose (Band), VIXX
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Orphanage, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, BoyxBoy, Depression, Drama, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Han Sanghyuk | Hyuk-centric, Happy Ending, Late Night Conversations, Love, M/M, Male Protagonist, Mentions of Mental Illness, One Shot, Orphanage, Orphans, POV Third Person, Pain, She's In The Rain, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Song Inspired, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, Strangers to Lovers, Teen Angst, Teenagers, Vixx - Freeform, WoonHyuk, if you like squint at it, luck, m/m - Freeform, mentions of depression, somewhat slow burn, teen to young adult, the rose - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-23 22:12:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17088683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veeva99/pseuds/Veeva99
Summary: In which Sanghyuk finds his source of light in Taekwoon.Genre: AU, Angst, a little Fluff.Warnings: Strong Language, BoyxBoy and mentions of depression.Word count: 4800+Pairing(s): LeoxHyuk





	He's In The Rain

Darkness, it was the only thing surrounding the male. A dark void he would get stuck in, a place of hurtful thoughts and demons. A black hole he had to fight on his own. Life had been like this for him for as long as he could remember, he couldn't even think of the last time he had been able to grab onto the little rays of light in his life. He simply didn’t feel the motivation to do so, some days it was even hard to get out of bed. Days that he found difficulty in doing the smallest everyday things. But more often than not he found that he simply didn't care, didn't care for anything he once loved.

Han Sanghyuk once learned that if he would just tried his best, he would be able to do anything that he dreamed of. That if he just had a positive mindset he could talk himself through anything and get the things he wanted.  
He however learned the reality that is his life early on. His best wasn't good enough, his mindset was cocky at its worse and bratty at best. Sanghyuk wasn't of importance to this world. If anything he was one of those who were never even meant to be born, who were an accident of a one night stand. Even his so-called parents didn't want him.

He had grown up in an orphanage, never good enough to be chosen by the hopeful partners who would love to become parents. It was always the same old story, he was either not pretty enough or he was simply too old to be adopted by them.  
He had lived his childhood saying goodbye to every friend he made, often going into crying fits. He didn't even care that he wasn't the one who got chosen, he got over that when he was eight. No, what hit him was that he would never see them again, that all his friends were temporary. He always had just enough time to get attached only for them to be ripped away from him over and over again.

Sanghyuk had been homeschooled with the other kids up until he had to go to high school, a step in which he once again realized how unwanted he was. The small community that made up the popular kids in his school deciding to pick on him. He could see why when he looked back on it. he was the easy target, the kid without parents, the lonely wolf in a group that already had enough time to get to know each other.  
It was during his high school years that he had fallen into the darkness he couldn't escape now. It had crept up to him, reached out a hand that he had willingly taken.

It had started with small things, him refusing to go to the little social events he had been invited to, him locking himself up in the small private room he had in the orphanage. How he would blast rock music through his headphones, heavy basses and ripping guitar riffs, since it was the only thing that still made him feel something.  
Then the problems became bigger, he started to give up on studying all together not finding the motivation when he knew that he would do badly even when he tried so hard. He gave up on playing guitar, spend his time mindlessly watching series after series instead, couped up in his room.  
The more he locked himself away the more he felt the darkness take over him. The more he wanted it to consume him. The darkness had almost felt warm and inviting to him at the time, it wouldn't judge him or leave him like so many others had done before. It was the first thing that became constant in his life.

He barely passed his exams and graduated high school just a few months before he turned nineteen, he had to leave the orphanage soon after. Sure, it was a shithole with a lot of bad memories for him, but it was the only place he could call home for those eighteen years of his life. he was able to rent a very small, shoebox, apartment just outside of the city with the money he had made while helping take care of the smaller kids in the orphanage.   
 It was the only thing that he had still been motivated to do. Those kids had never done anything to deserve being locked up in that home after all. He always tried to at least give them a good time while they were there because he knew the pain of not being loved, the pain of not having a parent or even a brotherly figure in your life to look up to.

The one thing Sanghyuk had loved was ripped away from him. And that's how he ended up where he was now, alone in a world where he wasn't welcome in. A world where he wasn't wanted or needed. A place where he was nothing more than filler, there wasn't anyone who would miss him if he were to suddenly disappear.  
He felt numb. He wished that he would feel anger, sadness, anything more than he did now. Anything that would make him at least be a little bit more human. 

 

»»————- ————-««

 

The male looked up away from the wall when he heard his phone go off, a loud, booming sound in the otherwise silent apartment. His room was dark, the curtains shut close so even the sunshine from outside wouldn't be able to hit him. He didn't even approve himself of having that little bit of warmth in his life, didn't feel like he had deserved it.  
There was no sign of personality to his room, there were no photos framed, no posters hung up on his walls. The only bit reminding him of his past happiness was the guitar that was cupped away in the corner of his room, the books collecting dust on the shelves and his desk that was covered by loose papers. All failed attempts at songwriting and character design. Most ideas he had on his few days of light left forgotten, not even half finished. His room was a reflection of his mind; dark, messy and pushed aside.

Sanghyuk checked his phone after it went off three more times, knowing that the person wouldn't stop bothering if he didn't check and answer the messages soon. One glance at his phone was enough for Sanghyuk to sit up. _Taekwoon_ , one of the rays of light he had so much difficulty holding on to. Taekwoon, sweet, shy and handsome, soft spoken and so kind. Taekwoon truly was everything that Sanghyuk wasn’t, he was someone that people loved, who did something that actually helped people and who was worth something to this world. Albeit it through his music and songwriting.

 

»»————- ————-««

 

It was a cold night when the two of them had met, it was within the first week that Sanghyuk was living in his shoebox apartment. The nightclub in which they had met was dark, the only thing lighting up their faces were flashing lights that varied through tones of blue, purple and green. Even in the flashy lights, Taekwoon had looked beautiful, his pale skin painted with the colors, his eyes strong with a sweet and entertained shimmer through it, his clothes fitting perfectly around his body and showing off his long legs, toned arms and impressively wide shoulders. Sanghyuk still didn’t know why the elder male had chosen to sit next to him after he had performed a few songs, why out of everyone there it was Sanghyuk who had caught his eye. The start of their talking had been awkward, the younger of them barely uttering words and seemingly disinterested in the other male.  However, the more Taekwoon kept talking, the more that Sanghyuk started to warm up to him. He even got his compliments out for the elder male, telling him how much he had loved his voice and how beautiful it had sounded when he put more of his emotions into it. He seriously doubted how he was a freelance artist, how could a company not pick him up when he was clearly so talented. They talked for what seemed like hours, hours in which Taekwoon took the lead in their conversation, but in which Sanghyuk felt safe enough to talk as well. Taekwoon felt safe, he had this aura of security around him and it was something that Sanghyuk wanted to clamp onto.

It was later that very night that Sanghyuk learned why it was the Taekwoon wasn’t picked up by a company. It wasn’t because Taekwoon wasn’t talented enough, it was because of who he was attracted to, who he chooses to love and be around with. It became even more evident when the singer had pushed him up against the wall of the nightclub, their soju long forgotten as their lips crashed together into a heated kiss. It was the first time in a long while that Sanghyuk had felt something, this person who was pretty much still a stranger to him was kissing him and that was the one thing that made his heart race. The one thing that send shivers down his spine and that made him feel a little bit more alive. For one moment that night he grasped on, for one moment he forgot all about his dark void that was calling his name even when the adrenaline was pumping through his veins, instigating him to keep going.  
That night nothing more had happened, it didn’t become more sexual nor did it become more heated than it already was. They shared more kisses, one right in front of Sanghyuk’s apartment, another one with Taekwoon pressed up against the entrance of the elevator and another few in Sanghyuk’s bed. Taekwoon had stayed that night, keeping Sanghyuk close in his arms and holding onto him as if he was the most precious thing in the world. The next morning when Sanghyuk awoke, he was gone. A post-it note with his phone number and a sweet message left behind. One reading that he had fun and that he couldn’t wait to spend more of his time with Sanghyuk.   
For the first time in his life someone wanted to get to know Sanghyuk, someone wanted to put in the effort to be around him and keep up with him even when he was often not motivated to even come out of bed. He didn’t get why someone as perfect as Taekwoon would want him to be close, why he would want to hang out with him. One thing he did however know for sure. Just for once in his life he wanted to not give up on a relationship. Just for once he wanted it not to be temporarily, just for once he wanted it to last. He wanted Taekwoon to last.

 

»»————- ————-««

 

_< Taek > _  
(10:07am)   
Hyuk-ah, wake up!  
(10:09am)  
I hope you’re feeling alright today~  
(10:10am)  
Make sure to drink enough, you don’t have to get out of the house. Just make sure to take care of yourself  
(10:12am)  
If you need me, I’m one call away.

Sanghyuk couldn’t help a small smile from creeping up on his face, he had known the elder male for about three months now and while things were a bit rocky between them at the start, Taekwoon was now the one rock in his life. He was his ray of sunshine and while it was hard to hold onto him he did try.   
Their relationship had evolved into something between friends and boyfriends, they never said that they were truly exclusive, they never made it a real thing. But deep down, Sanghyuk wanted it to be, even when he knew as well that he would never be enough for him, he would bring the other down into his darkness and that’s the last thing he wanted. Taekwoon. The singer deserved the world, he deserved happiness and a place to run to when he felt like everything became too much. Sanghyuk, he couldn’t be that. He couldn’t be everything the elder wanted and needed, couldn’t be what he deserved.

 

»»————- ————-««

 

Taekwoon had given him so much already in those three months that they had known each other, he would have often gotten him out of bed and out of the house even on days that Sanghyuk felt like crap. Even when he would rather die than set a foot outside of his dark, but safe, apartment.

There had been the day that he had taken him to a forest, the nature completely zoning out all of the cars and other noises coming from the big city nearby. It was calming to Sanghyuk’s mind, it was silent in his mind where it would have normally been taken over by the voices. They would have been talking him down in any normal situation, yet something as simple as being in the nature was enough to shut them up for a bit. Taekwoon had taken out his phone and had taken dozens of photos of Sanghyuk, sometimes letting him pose, other times taken him by complete surprise and sometimes even joining in on the photos. Adding cute filters to cheer them up even more. Sanghyuk had felt free on that day, the forest almost unlocking the child that he had locked up within his heart so many years ago. That one day had made his whole week worth living and the photos were proof that even when he wasn’t meant to be here, some things are still worth living for. Even when they were as small as hanging out with someone in the open and free nature.

There was another time that Taekwoon had taken him to his small recording studio. It was a small office space that he clearly shared with many other people but somehow the small things that made Taekwoon who he was still shined through. From the empty Starbucks cups in the trash bin, to the worn-out keys on the keyboard that had been used to write so many melodies to lots of beautiful songs. Some of them never seeing the light of day, while others were overused when Taekwoon would perform in nightclubs and bars. On each and every track that the musician had made him listen to that day his voice had sounded beautiful. Almost like one of an angel; clear and soft. As if he was trying to wrap a blanket around you and warm you up with his voice alone.

Maybe that was what the elder was to him, a guardian angel sent to him to help him even when he didn’t always wanted to accept that help. Sanghyuk never used to believe in that kind of shit, he never thought that angels and demons could be real in any way, shape, or form. Yet, with how perfect Taekwoon was, and with how much he had been helping him with his depression it was getting harder not to believe in them.

At the end of that day, Taekwoon had taught him a thing or two about songwriting and that was how he ended up with so many half-finished songs crumpled away on his desk. He wanted to do well, if only to make Taekwoon proud, to see that beautiful smile on his face. That pure happiness of his toothy grin that he had come to love and adore. Yet, every song he started never seemed to be enough. Every song ended up just like the others, the papers torn apart and crumpled up into a small ball. Never to be looked at again.

That day they had also shared their first kiss since the night that they had met, no alcohol in their systems to give them that extra rush. It wasn’t as heated this time around, there was a lot less tongue and it was a lot less rushed. There were feelings involved that Sanghyuk couldn’t quite place, feelings that they never talked about, but that would be there whenever they would kiss from that point on. They weren’t unwanted, they weren’t a hassle to have. The only thing that Sanghyuk hoped was that he wasn’t the only one having those feelings, that Taekwoon felt the same way and that he didn’t feel pressured into kissing him again because he felt pity for him. That was the one thing he didn’t want from Taekwoon, pity. It was the one thing everyone else already had for him. He would hate it if that was the only thing that Taekwoon felt for him.

Between visits to the forest and to the small studio, there was one more place where they would meet up. A small, local, café that was just a few minutes walking from Sanghyuk’s apartment. There was a flower shop right next to it and on the other side, there was a tattoo and piercing shop. It was right in between two completely different worlds but the small café wore the aesthetic extremely well. Between the red and white roses decorating the place and the tattoo-inspired drawings on the wall, the little café looked beautiful.

He and Taekwoon would meet up there whenever Taekwoon was just barely able to get Sanghyuk out of the house, the days that were about two steps away from his worse days. It always were simple meetups, meetups in which they didn’t have to do a whole lot and Taekwoon would take the lead in their conversation, letting Sanghyuk speak whenever he felt comfortable enough to make a comment. The warm beverages helping him calm down just the slightest bit.

Taekwoon somehow just knew that Sanghyuk sometimes simply couldn’t talk a lot, that sometimes he needed the guidance of someone taking the lead in the conversation. If he knew, he didn’t seem to mind it at all either. If anything, he seemed to be happy just to be there with Sanghyuk in the first place.

He would laugh, show off his toothy grin and tell Sanghyuk all about his day. Sometimes he would lean in and wipe the whipped cream away from the corner of Sanghyuk’s mouth, sharing a kiss with him soon after. Just soft and sweet pecks in between their conversations. Especially those kisses made his heart beat faster, made his whole body heat up and made his mind shut up for just a few seconds.

Taekwoon kept him grounded on those days spend in the café. He reminded him of the happy boy he used to once be. It reminded him that the little things in life still mattered, even when life itself didn’t matter in the long run.

 

»»————- ————-««

 

It wasn’t often that Sanghyuk would take advantage of the help that Taekwoon offered, it wasn’t something that he liked to do. But that day, that sunny fall day, he felt like he was completely losing it. He felt as if everything in life was coming down at him, as if all the weight that was on his shoulders suddenly became ten times heavier than it was before. He didn’t want it to be like this, yet he couldn’t fight against it anymore. He wished that he could be different, that he could go outside and enjoy the warmth of the sun hitting against his skin. He wished that he could be a little bit more carefree like others his age. There were so many things he wished he was and wished he could do, yet he couldn’t and he hated it that he couldn't.  
Sanghyuk his fingers were shaking as he typed out a message to Taekwoon, deleting and rewriting it at least five times before he was sure that he was okay with what he was texting. Yet, his thumb hovered over the send button in doubt, did he really want to pull his one sunshine fully into his darkness? Did he really want to quench that little flame of light that he had by taking it into the shadows? He truly wanted to protect Taekwoon against it, he wanted him to not ever see this side of him. He however felt like he was completely losing it, like he would end up hurting himself again if he wouldn’t reach out for help. He wanted to be strong, yet he lost all his willpower to fight. Sanghyuk shook his head lightly before he took a deep breath and hit send, knowing that everything he build up with Taekwoon could get lost within the next few hours.

_< Taek>_  
(11:06am)  
Please come, I need you by my side as soon as possible   
(11:06am)  
I think I’m losing it Taekwoon

It wasn’t long before he heard his front door unlock, the sound of the key turning in the lock sounding so much louder than it actually should have done. Sanghyuk had given Taekwoon his spare key in case of emergencies, in case he would have locked himself out or if he would need Taekwoon right there but didn’t have the energy to get up. “Sanghyuk?” Taekwoon his voice was soft-spoken as always, though he sounded more worried than it had ever done before. Sanghyuk curled up more to his bed because of it, his eyes watering yet he refused to cry. He hid away into his pillows, hearing the light footsteps of the elder male come into the darkness of his room. He felt his bed sink in, Taekwoon’s scent of vanilla and coffee filling the air around them. “I’m here.” The words were spoken while Taekwoon gently rubbed Sanghyuk his back, the touch warm and soft. It was even somewhat calming for Sanghyuk even when it was such a small thing. “You aren’t alone in all of this rain Sanghyuk… I’m right here with you.”

It wasn’t often that Sanghyuk allowed himself to completely break down, that he allowed himself to cry. At that moment however, the moment right after Taekwoon spoke those words in his warm voice, he broke. He turned towards the elder male, tears streaming down his face. Everything he had held in for so long was coming out, all of the walls he had built around his heart came down. He gave completely in and pulled Taekwoon into his darkness, into the void that was filling his heart. Taekwoon didn’t ask questions, he didn’t pressure Sanghyuk into talking. What he did do was take the younger male into his arms, he kept him close, letting Sanghyuk cry out against his chest. Sanghyuk would never even admit to himself how much he loved it whenever Taekwoon held him close. He would never admit how safe he felt and how much he felt like that for once in his life he actually belonged somewhere. Taekwoon his arms around him felt like a home he had never had.

“Sometimes, it's better to be held than to hold on all by yourself.” Taekwoon whispered out. “I know that you have been hurting Sanghyuk, I know that you’ve hurt yourself more than others could ever hurt you. You want to make yourself go through all the pain on your own… But, I promise you here and now that I will stay with you, I will stay as long as you need me to.” Sanghyuk didn’t answer, Taekwoon didn’t expect him to either.

After his small speech, Taekwoon held the younger male close for what seemed like hours. He had tangled their legs together, wiped the tears away, kissed his head and sang for him. He had tried everything to make Sanghyuk feel a bit better, to help him calm down. Eventually, Sanghyuk did calm down, his tears slowly stopped falling and he finally dared to look up to Taekwoon.

“Thank you.” His voice came out raw, a lot softer than he had wanted as well, but it was enough to make Taekwoon smile. Even when it was a very small one, one still filled with worry, it made Sanghyuk relax more knowing that he hadn’t just fucked their whole relationship up.

“You don’t have to thank me at all Sanghyuk… I’m your friend, even more than that when I consider the number of times that we have kissed. As your friend I care about you.” Taekwoon gently pushed Sanghyuk his hair away from his eyes before he softly kissed his forehead for good measure. “I care about you so much Sanghyuk and I want to help you get through all of this… I want to see your beautiful smile and I want you to be able to enjoy your life to the fullest. Even when it means that I have to pull you out of your apartment and take you on adventures all by myself.”

“Are you sure?” Sanghyuk wished that he didn’t sound so insecure, that he didn’t have so much hate and doubts about himself. “I don’t want to pull all of the happiness out of you Taekwoon, I can’t just be fixed, I will always have this dark void in me. An all absorbing void that won’t leave any light and happiness.” It was the first time that Sanghyuk opened up that much to Taekwoon, he had really let him in and there was no going back for him now. He couldn’t just act like he didn’t just break down.  
“I’m not asking you to be fixed, I realize how hard it is to just make everything better for you Sanghyuk.” Taekwoon assured him as he gently caressed his fingers along Sanghyuk his cheek. “And I know that all I can do is be there for you, I know that my caring about you, my loving you, won’t be enough to make it all better. But being here with you on happy, sad and even on nothing days should already help a bit.”   
He gently leaned in and kissed Sanghyuk his lips a few times, it were soft touches that only lasted a second each. Yet, they were enough to convey Taekwoon his feelings and his warmth. “I’m okay with fighting for and with you Sanghyuk, I’m okay with you not being happy all the time. As long as I get to be with you, as long as I am able to make your life a bit happier than that’s enough for me.”

 

 »»————- ————-««

 

Things weren’t easy for Sanghyuk after that day, he still struggled with his darkness for many years to come. However, the more time that passed by, the more that he let Taekwoon into his world. His trusted the elder male more than he had ever trusted anyone else and that showed in everything that Sanghyuk tried to do back for Taekwoon. It took a lot of him, but he slowly started to do better, he slowly found the motivation to get up from bed again, he found his pleasure back in writing and playing guitar, he even started studying at a nearby college after he was sure what he wanted to do with his life. Sure, life wasn’t just a breeze, he still needed to put in a lot of effort to do things that were completely easy for others, he still lost his motivation from time to times. He still had his fallbacks in which he wanted to do nothing more than to revisit his darkness. He wasn’t perfect, he knew that he would never be perfect either. He just needed to come to terms with that, just like he needed to come to terms with the fact that he was wanted in this world. He was loved and wanted, even when from the day he was made he was never welcome before. He had found his place, he had found a home in Taekwoon and their relationship, which over the years grew out into a very loving one. Sanghyuk loved Taekwoon to bits and on his good days he was able to show it to the whole world. On his good days he didn’t care about what others might think of them when they were holding hands while walking along the Han River, or when they would kiss in the spring under a rainstorm of cherry blossoms.

That was the only rain he wanted to be in, and with the help of Taekwoon and the needed medication and therapy he was able to get out of the heavy, dark, rain that he was in before. He was able to see the happiness in life and enjoy it.

Han Sanghyuk once learned many years ago at the orphanage he grew up in that if he just tried his best he would be able to do everything he had ever dreamed of. It was only now that he found his light and was able to hold onto it that he started to believe in it.

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this story isn't written to glorify mental illness such as depression. I really tried to show that it's okay to need help and to reach out for help.  
> If you're in a hard situation yourself, don't ever be afraid to ask for help. You are worthy of a happy and enjoyable life! 
> 
> If you ever want to talk, you can find me on Instagram (@_veeva_) and on Twitter (@_Veeva_)


End file.
